there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
