The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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