I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
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