so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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