i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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