From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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