there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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