he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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