Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
