What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
the raccoons are back...
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