I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
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do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
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hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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