So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
