I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Everything about him screamed your future.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
