No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
