Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
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Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
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I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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