I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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