At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
