i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
