Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I need moral support for this bender
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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