She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
