you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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