I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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