Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
