and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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