some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize