i would punch a child for taco bell
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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