legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
