If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
