The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
