Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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