i'm signing you up for texting rehab
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
