i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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