my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
