i think i have two assholes
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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