My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
