apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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