Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
