woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
