Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Two words: blizzard sex
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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