you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
