i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
She's the barista slut.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
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