just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
He literally asked permission to hit on me
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
