Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
