I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
