im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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