ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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