I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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