Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
