hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
