We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
