Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
