i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
