So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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