so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
