I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Green mimosas i think yes
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
