Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
