You made me cry and you don't even care
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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