Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Randomize
