I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
one might say we're banned from that church
We named our party play list daddy issues
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
