So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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