i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
